I’ve known a lot of horses, and something I’ve learned is that they all have something wrong with them.

I think everyone who buys a horse does their best to make sure they are getting a sound horse, and one that can do the things they want to do.  Yet every horse is going to have something that will make managing them difficult.

First, you’ll find that 50% of horses are difficult to keep weight on, and 50% of horses are difficult to keep weight off of.  There’s a group of horses the owners watch carefully for obesity and laminitis.  Often they have to wear grazing muzzles or go out on limited pasture, their hay is measured out, and somehow they’ll still have periods of being overweight.  The other type of horses’ owners pour out pounds of feed each night and do everything they can to coax their horses to eat more.  These horses will be swimming in hay up to their eyeballs, which they will ignore and spend their time staring up at birds flying by in the sky.  Meanwhile, even though they eat double what the other horses around eat, anytime they are too cold for five minutes their ribs will start showing.

If somehow you are lucky enough to have a horse that isn’t in the 99.9% of horses with feeding issues, your horse will probably be one of the accident-prone ones.  These horses will go for a ride over a flat field and afterwards you’ll discover their legs are bleeding from stickers.  They’ll cut themselves open on horse-safe plastic water buckets, or gash themselves on horse-safe fences.  Even a halter or a blanket can end up causing serious injuries to these delicate flowers.

When riding your horse, you’ll soon discover that almost all horses either go too fast or too slow.  Either you will be coaxing your horse to please keep moving, keep walking, just get there already….or your horse will be leaving all the other horses behind and all your rides will be lonely ones, just a little too far in front of the other riders for conversation, even if you shout.

If your horse happens to have tough skin, eats just fine, and rides at a perfect pace, then you’re bound to have a horse that is a bully and beats up on other horses.  This horse gets moved from pasture to pasture, because you want him to be able to socialize with buddies.  Yet he sees other horses as entertaining targets to practice sharpening his teeth and hooves on.  Or you might have the opposite problem.  Your horse is so docile and sweet that all the other horses pick on him and he keeps getting fresh tattoos in the shape of bite marks on his skin.  He can’t even get to the water trough without getting chased away.

Another type of horse will eat a single pellet of food outside of his usual diet and develop a stomachache.  You’ll swear he’s a hypochondriac because he’s always getting hives from rolling on something in his field or getting bitten by some mysterious insect.  Every time you turn around, he lets out a single, barking cough that you can never pin down as an allergy or COPD.  Sometimes he’ll develop a vague limp, just for a day, or patches of his hair will fall out.  Your laptop is always open to Google searches about rare horse conditions and diseases.

If your horse isn’t nervous and spooky, he’ll probably be too comfortable in his own skin and tend to ignore what you’re asking until you really get after him.  He’ll probably either sweat too much when he’s exercising so you worry about getting him cooled out before dark, or he won’t sweat enough and you’ll wonder if he’s going to overheat.  If none of the above apply, then he’ll certainly be a total nightmare to fit a saddle to, with knife-point withers or a back as round as a barrel, no shoulder and a forward girth groove.  And don’t forget about the escape artists that can get out of any fence, stall or other enclosure.

Don’t worry, just when you get his mane and tail looking beautiful he’ll rub them out on something or have a friend chew them off.

Searching for the perfect horse?  He’s out there, but he’ll come with his fair share of issues that will keep you occupied for the rest of his life.  At which point you’ll find another perfect horse with a whole new set of problems.